No one ever plans to end up in the foster care system. With “happily ever after as the goal,” foster care is your worst nightmare. Mine began when I was just eight years old, and my mother lost her job. Prior to this we lived as a family and did family things like go to the movies, the park, the beach, and take trips to visit my mom’s family in Alabama. For the most part it was a good life. The “AFTER happily” which is how I describe the unraveling of my short existence and was the beginning of my journey. A journey of homelessness and displacement which consisted of us living in a motel, on the sofas of friends and relatives, and in a car. Homelessness resulted in me being taken away from my mother and placed in foster care – a dark place where I was fearful, sad, and untrusting. My spirit plummeted to the lowest level I can remember, and if asked to describe myself, I would have said “broken.” My mother developed mental illness.
“Foster care does not define who you are as a person. You can take the experiences from your past and allow them to push you to achieve your dreams.”
One afternoon the Department of Children and Families (DCF) came to get me from school and took me to what was my first “placement” with a family in Pompano. I was in the third grade. I lived with this family for four years and things changed when my foster mother had to retire from fostering due to an illness. This resulted in my second “placement” which was with a family in Plantation. I won’t get into the details as I like to keep some things private and the memories are too painful; but let’s say that after two years here, the placement broke down and I was faced with having to endure a third “placement.”
I came to SOS at age thirteen or fourteen. I don’t remember my exact age. While I was always a good student, it was here that I made a promise to myself to excel academically so that I could break the cycle of poverty and build a better life for myself. Like any teen my emotions ranged from happy, sad, to being rebellious. SOS the provided structure and support I needed to get on my way. While still not utopia, I was better off than I had been in years. It was always difficult for me when someone was adopted or got reunited with their family. My heart would break each time as I saw them go home and I stayed behind. A good memory from this time was when I got to go to overnight camp and make new friends. An unforgettable memory was when our SOS foster parent took all of us in our house to spend Christmas and Thanksgiving with her family. This made me feel “normal.” For those of you who have not experienced life in foster care, normalcy is a big deal. I can’t explain what the sense of belonging does other than say that it brings out endorphins.
Another thing that happened to me at SOS was that I met my mentor. Our relationship started when I was leaving to go away to college, and I was just a few months away from my 18th birthday. For the past seven years she has been there for me in so many ways – even times when I have not been there for myself. We have a deep connection, and she is more like a mother. While we do not always share the same point of view, she listens to what I have to say and challenges me to evaluate the potential outcomes of my decisions. She pushes me to have healthy relationships and surround myself with people who share my values. She is kind, lots of fun, very fair, and firm… all at the same time. We have gone on several trips to places where we can experience our shared interests of historical homes, art exhibits, beautiful scenery, afternoon tea, and great food. She is in the process of helping me get my passport so we can visit even more places together.
This is my story. A chapter is closing and another opening up to receive me and everything I have worked so hard to achieve. So far, at age twenty- four I have a B.S. from the University of South Florida in Health Sciences, and most recently a BSN from Florida Atlantic University. I am not bragging about my accomplishments – I am just proud. This is a big deal for me. I am the first in my family to get a college degree and the journey does not end here.
